Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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