I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
