oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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