I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize