Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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