If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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