i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
