Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
