i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
