Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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