Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
