I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
