the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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