youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
