My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
