we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
