btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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