I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
my poor anus
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
