Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
