wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
