i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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