I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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