I can text with my tongue
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
