textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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