No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
honey bunches of taint.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
