just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
