Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize