I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
