I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
