I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
