I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
