I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
