you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
