so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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