he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
