i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
