He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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