"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize