All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
