You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
