ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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