The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize