I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
