I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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