I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
