btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize