All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
