the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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