i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
