God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
