So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
