Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
