I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
