my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
