P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
