you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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