Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
