I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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