Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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