I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
