Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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