I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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