Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
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