I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
