The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
