Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize