Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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