At least make sure they are 18
Why
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
are you so shy because you have an std?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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