I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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