Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize