sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
