3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
