don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
