Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
