All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
